Building Lifetimes of Meet-Cutes

I’m laying in bed on a lazy Friday night, binge watching everything on Netflix and I realize Black Mirror finally has a new season.  I love the different scenarios and alternate realities that they depict.  But there’s one episode on here that’s about dating and falling in love.  The main characters mention at the beginning of the episode how happy they were that there was a dating service like this to help people find their matches.  And how boring and hard it would be if they had to find someone all their own, and break up with someone all by themselves.  The idea of having too many options leading to no decisions ever being made.  Essentially that’s how I was starting to feel with online dating.  There’s such a large pool of people, that when someone pisses you off, or if you find 1 quality in someone that you don’t like, it’s so easy to cast them off, because there’s so much more to chose from anyway. It’s an endless buffet of men that get carouseled around for you to pick up and drop down when you’re through with them.

Anyway, I’m getting beside the point of what the fuck I wanted to express tonight.

This episode has made me reflect on Rebound Babe and I. It’s made me think of all of our encounters prior to this, and how I feel every time I’m with him, or how I dream about what our future could be. I remember in our times in the past, sitting next to him and thinking, “Why does this feel so easy?”

Fast forward 6 years later and it’s still the same feelings and comfort that I felt back then. There’s nothing forced.  I’m not trying to be a girl that I think he wants me to be.  I’m just being me and he laughs at my jokes… and even better he laughs at how terribly I tell them. He snuggles me when I’m being impossible and ridiculous. He pumps me up with confidence when I need a boost. He calls me out on my bullshit, and doesn’t let me get a way with murder.  He loves me every moment we get. And all of this are things that just come naturally. Nothing that he needs to pre-game in his mind as to how he’s supposed to be with me.  And vise-versa.  If there’s an event or something that I want him to be a part of, I know that I can just simply ask him if he wants to go.  I don’t have to give him a way out.  Or feel as though I have to give a stipulation like, “But we only have to stay for 2 hours, and then we can do whatever you want to do right afterwards.” He’s just happy to be by my side.  It’s such a nice change to everything I’ve ever had in the past.

It also feels as though we have lived a million lifetimes together, and have had many lifetimes apart. To when the universes align again, and it’s another moment and interaction that we get to share, and the whole world stands still. Like a scene in a movie where everything else becomes foggy and in slow motion, and the 2 main characters have their meet-cute, with a nervous awkwardness and clumsy flirtation.

Situation 1:

With her head in the clouds, Mo turns around quickly to get her coffee and she collides into Rebound Babe spilling his coffee all over the two of them. Nervously she tries to clean the coffee up off him without realizing shes’s rubbing him everywhere. 

Situation 2:

Barista yells out:  Grande Toffee Nut Latte

Rebound Babe and Mo both reach out to to the latte trying to claim it as their own.  The two giggle and discuss who’s the rightful owner of the latte.  Mo concedes, but says, “Fine, you can have this coffee, IF you buy me one here tomorrow?  Same time?”

Situation 3:

Mo is at a party and bored, and not really speaking with anyone.  She decides to look at the fishes when she notices Rebound Babe on the other side of the fish tank doing the same, as they catch eyes.

Situation 4: 

While being on a train, Mo and Rebound Babe overhear a couple arguing in a foreign tongue.  The two look over at each other, eyes widen as they both laugh at the display.  The two continue to talk all through the night and explore a random city together.  

Situation 5:

I’m walking through the city chatting on my phone while my stiletto gets stuck on a city grate.  As a car comes zooming in at me, Rebound Babe jumps in the street to rescue me. 

Okay, enough of all of that.  Clearly I’ve been on a rom-com marathon lately.  But what’s so special, is that every one of our romances all have their own meet-cutes.  I have to say, that Rebound Babe and I’s real meet-cute was very similar to Situation 3.  I saw him performing at Commonwealth Lounge, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him.  Throughout the night, I remember our glances kept catching each other.  Although it may have only been seconds at a time, each eye lock felt like all time had stopped.  We didn’t end up talking that night, but I remember very clearly needing to know his name and what his story was.  It wasn’t until months later that we actually had the opportunity to chat with one another.

There’s a part of me that feels cheated out of time together. I believe that we have our time and things happen as they should. But I feel like I was cheated out of being able loving him the past 7 years. Not as though what’s happened between that time wasn’t valuable. But that I want more of our love story. I want to form more words to sentences, and pages to chapters.

So, I think this is the part of the blog where every reader has now thrown up because of how gross and lovey-dovey I’ve become?  Jesus.  Who is this Maureen?

I don’t know.

But for once.  She feels complete.  She’s just… happy.

Rebound Babe to Mr. Right?

Hello Screen.

Hello Keyboard.

I’ve missed you.

What does my lack of presence to you mean?  It’s like when I all of a sudden disappear from girlfriends and my family.  There can only be one answer.  There’s a boy who has swept me off my feet.  And there’s no where else in this world that I can or want to be.

I’m embarrassed to see how long its been since my last post.  And even more embarrassed to see what my last interaction had been.  I forget which one of my good, good, girlfriends I was chit-chatting with about this blog and the repercussions I may have to face if these men ever read/found it. Or even more so, what Rebound Babe might think if he were to ever come across this blog.  Now, I’ve tried hard to block out my true identity to this blog, but anyone who is really looking can obviously try to find it.  I’ve tried to mask names and such, but I suppose anyone who knows me will know who each one of these significant characters are.  But oh well.  Fuck it.  If someone really wants to find it that hard… oh the fuck well.

So what has happened as of recent?  Well, before my date with The Great Debate, I had been stressed out about my feelings for Rebound Babe.  Really because of how strongly and quickly I was falling for him.  I expressed it multiple times, and to multiple people. Even felt as though I had to keep dating other men to make sure that I wasn’t just rebounding.  After having a deep convo with Dreads about this whole topic, it made me take a step back, and take pause as to why I kept questioning why it was moving so damn fast.  If I’m questioning my actions… it’s almost as if my brain is taking over and saying, “Hold up a sec, I’m in charge now.”  And I listened.  And the guard came up.  The walls that I’ve taken years to build with not just brick and mortar, but with bulletproof Kevlar coating, my kryponite shield… popped right back up like the security blanket that I needed it to be.  And just like that… I took a few steps back in the progression of our relationship.

That very next weekend, I had a long awaited Brudder-Sidder Date.  In layman’s terms:  my brother and I went out on the town, ate shitty food, watched a movie, and got drunk AF. So of course topics come up like, “Have you talked to #whiteboy?” or “How are you doing?” or “Are you dating anyone right now?” And of course, I bring up Rebound Babe.  Nothing of all these failed internet dates… but just only of Rebound Babe.  As the night continues on, Rebound Babe pops into conversations and my insecurities of where this going with the two of us.  And Brudder of course says some deep eloquent shit.  But essentially his words were something like, “Stop trying to fast forward everything into doom.  If you keep trying to find the negatives in every relationship instead of enjoying the ride while you’re there… it’ll all crash down before you even get a chance to enjoy how beautiful it was.  You’ll always find a negative, if that’s what you’re looking for.  If he’s treating you great… then let him fucking treat you great!”

Damn.

OK, Brudder.

Nuff said.

Shortly after our Brudder-Sidder Date,  Tinder was deleted. Bumble was deleted. eHarmony was deleted.

And just like that, that Trump Wall that divides America and Mexico came crashing down. And I allowed all the feels, the insecurities, the vulnerability, the sadness, the dreams, the hopes, and all the “The…’s” to come rushing in.  What’s crazy is the moment I let myself feel, and just be… is when everything really started to fit into place.  That instead of me breaking down a wall, what was really happening is that the two of us together, have been creating columns, and support beams to a future that we are building together.

We have just celebrated the holidays together.  Our very first Holiday.  Thanksgiving. Christmas. New Years.  Separate and Together.  It seemed strange to have these feelings of love towards one another, and not being able to BE with one another on those days.  Yet, at the same time, I don’t know how comfortable I would have been having Rebound Babe at my family Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner tables. I know that I wasn’t quite ready to have a new person come to meet my family yet… or maybe I just wasn’t ready to answer all the questions about who he is… and am I moving too fast. But regardless of all of that, there was a wave of sadness that crept over me during the holidays as I celebrated them alone at my family’s house; and as Rebound Babe celebrated over at his family’s house.  Something didn’t seem right about our separate celebrations, yet I knew it was the right thing to do.  New Years we finally were able to share the entire weekend together and did the ceremonial countdown.  Shouting down “THREE”, “TWO” and then as he always knows to do… his hand whips around my hips and draws me close… “ONE”! Eyes Lock… “Happy New Year, Mama!  I love you!”

“…and I love you, my baby!” I reply back.