Bring on the Darkness, Part 2

What the hell is this guy doing at my bar?  At that moment, my personal quartet that constantly plays my theme song everywhere I walk cries out DOM-DOM-DOOOOOM.  I knew it would be just a matter of time when something like this would happen.  It’s bound to happen, right?  There are thousands of on-line profiles, with a small percentage of images get emailed on a daily basis, others that are searched for.  I wonder how many people have seen me and recognized me from this site.  Kinda scary.

Anyway, Darkness.  Damn, he’s tall.  Didn’t realize how tall.  He looks good behind the shadows of a dimly light bar.  Pretty weirded out, but I try to make the most of an uncomfortable situation and create small talk.  I even leave the comforts of my bar and give him a hug hello after the ball of new year’s drops.

I probably should’ve taken the fact that Darkness randomly showed up at work as a sign.  Most people would’ve said No Way and stopped communication with this person.  But I figured, what do I have to lose?  Granted it was dark in the bar, and saw him 5 shots deep into the Cazadores bottle, I didn’t really get a chance to really see him.  Regardless of all of that, I cave and agree to a dinner with him in the next week.

Just as any other work day for me, it’s filled with non-stop chit chatter with my customers.  I rush to the gym then try to savor the moments of Zen I feel after an intense work out.  I glance at the clock, and it’s 30 minutes past the time we are supposed to meet.  OOPS!!  Not too sure why I’m even going on this date with Darkness, I’m obviously not too excited about going.  Normally I mull over what my outfit will be, or what shoes I’m going to wear.  And at this point, I kind of don’t even want to take a shower!  Whatever, I hurry and get dressed, out the door in 20 minutes.  Record breaking time, if I say so myself.  I let him know I’m running late but would be at the restaurant shortly.

Getting to the restaurant, I notice that he’s already sitting at a booth near the bar, drinking a Stella.  Well, at least he’s drinking to keep himself occupied.  Again, standing to greet me to give me a hug, I’m shocked by the height of him.  Feeling a bit on the softer side, not the firm bodies I’m accustomed to hugging.  Then taking a better look at his face in a brighter-lit establishment, I realize he is in that grouping that I needed to be more cautious of.  He doesn’t really look like any of his pictures.  Almost as if all of his facial features are cramped into the middle of his face.  Not quite like The Predator, but something very reminiscent of it, you know, minus the dreads and body armor.  Great. I am secretly wishing for the actual darkness of a bar to return so I won’t have to stare at his face for the rest of the night.  I sit and order myself a glass of wine, hoping his conversation skills will at least shine.

Over dinner we talk about family, work, what we do in our spare times, etc.  All the usual “Get-To-Know-Each-Other-Topics”.  And I start to realize that his profile is bullshit.

His pictures:  Good angles of his smashed up face.

Where he grew up: Says he’s from Georgia.  He grew up in Orange County.  Lived in Georgia for two years.

Interests:  Music, museums, being outdoors.  False!!  He hates “getting dirty”.  Says he likes to be spontaneous.  Though his conversation tonight, he said he prefers to stay in and watch tv and movies.  Doesn’t get out of the house much.

Physical activity Level:  5 times or more per week.  False.  He says he plays basketball with his boys, once a month!

Almost as if he created a profile according to the man he “wants to be”, instead of the “man he actually is”.  Jesus.  What a waste of my time.  I guess I really didn’t need to take a shower.  At this point, I’m just annoyed that I wasted a night to go out with him, instead of watching another episode of Man Men on Netflix.  So I mention that it’s a bit creepy that he showed up at my bar on New Year’s Eve, and that his profile is a bunch of lies.  I mean, really… at this point, it’s not like I’m going to want to see this guy again, I might as well be brutally upfront and honest.  He says it was purely coincidence that he showed up at my bar, blah-blah-blah.  Then the rest of our evening is spent with us bickering  and discussing the tales of his on-line profile.

Time to glance down at my cell phone to check the time.  Wow.  I’ve only been here with him for about an hour.  Why does it seem like I’ve been here for hours.  I tell him I’m exhausted from my workout, have an early day at work and want to go home.  He pays the bill, and we walk out.  I tell him good night and give a hug goodbye.  I laugh to myself on my drive home, and ask myself, “What was that?!”  How can someone lie that much about themselves then continue to defend the lies? It makes me think, “Maybe this is why he’s on a dating site!”  But then it makes me look back in the mirror and ask, “Well, then what’s wrong with me?”

Over the next few weeks Darkness continues to text me to hang out, of course I ignore all the texts.  After they finally stop, I receive another message on Match from Darkness informing me that he has deleted my number from his phone.  But would like to know what went wrong?  He had a great time and wanted to know how it went for me.  I don’t know which is more strange.  The fact that he had to actually delete my number off his is contact list.  Or the fact that because he deleted my number, he had to contact me again on Match to ask me more questions.



Bring on the Darkness, Part 1

One of the reasons I joined Match was because I work too much and the only guys I get any attention from is at bars.  And while I’m not saying that you can’t meet anyone worthwhile at a bar, I’m a little sick on the drunken compliments. I’d like to say that I was hoping Match was going to allow me to meet someone more by their personalities than their looks… But I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t respond to an email or wink if I didn’t find the person attractive.

I have noticed that I’ve gotten a little weary of the photos that people post of themselves.  Usually if they only post 1-3 pictures of themselves, I flip to the next person.  All the pictures look like professional/model pictures: really?  YOU can’t get a date?  Next.  If every photo he looks like a different person, and I only think he’s cute in one of the 5 variations of himself… Be cautious.

It was the week before New Years, and work was getting overwhelming.  I needed to find some sort of stress relief, with the bullshit social medias of twitter, Instagram or Facebook not doing it usual momentary laughter.  So I decided to download the app to my phone.  Providing up-to-the-minute updates of interaction on your profile.  Can you smell the desperation?

I remember sitting in my car stressing about the time, not thinking I was going to finish out the rest of my day on time.  I was looking over the amount of accounts I still had left to see, when I hear a “whistling-chirp”.  I just received an alert.  Welcoming the break in my day, I check the message and Darkness looks ok.  Not really saying anything too special, humorous, or witty, but still I reply.  Flashing quickly through the photos, he’s part of that bracket that looks different in each photo.  He made some pretty general statements on his profile 1. Claims to be very athletic and active 2. Outgoing and spontaneous 3. Humble. So I figure, why not?

The rest of the week blows by too quickly for me to even think twice of keeping much conversation going and forget numerous times to respond to Darkness. Mentioning only that I was busy with work and that New Year’s Eve I’m scheduled to bartend, but promised for an easier schedule after the new year.

The evening arrives.. New Year’s Eve.  Most of my girlfriends all have boyfriends, and all the single ones were hanging out at parties, and the one boy who I really wanted to see was also working.  So here we are.  Pouring drinks, laughing with strangers, trying to enjoy a New Year’s Eve. When suddenly I see Darkness a few bar stools down ordering drinks from the other bartender.  I literally had to take 3 double takes to see if it was the right person.  Feeling absolutely trapped behind my 2foot barrier, I try to review the conversations we’ve had.  “Did I tell him what bar I work at?” Of course not!!!  How the hell did he find me?  Feeling a bit creeped out, I try to avoid him and his stares.  Yet, my attempts appear to be futile, and Darkness approaches my end of the bar and asks, “Is your name Maureen?”